For many, especially women, putting others’ needs first becomes second nature. However, this can often lead to neglecting one’s own well-being. Shifting focus to self-care is essential, but the barriers to doing so are deeply rooted in societal roles, personal identity, and fear of consequences. Here are some insights and strategies for overcoming these obstacles.

The Superwoman Complex: Unlimited Capacity

A common belief among caregivers is that they have more capacity to handle things than others. Whether it’s nurturing children, supporting a spouse, or helping friends, many fall into the trap of thinking their energy is limitless. Over time, this “Superwoman” identity can erode both mental and physical health, as the constant self-sacrifice leaves little room for self-care.

To break this cycle, it’s important to acknowledge your own needs. When faced with someone else’s demands, try saying, “I have my own needs.” This simple statement helps bring yourself into the equation. Your capacity to care for others may be strong, but your ability to care for yourself may be underdeveloped. Like building muscle, self-care requires consistent practice. Regularly remind yourself that your needs are valid and deserve attention.

Acknowledging Your Needs Reduces Their Burden

Another common roadblock to self-care is the belief that acknowledging your needs makes them overwhelming. In reality, the opposite is true. Denying your needs can lead to a buildup of stress and frustration. Embracing all parts of yourself, including negative emotions, can be liberating.

The “name it to tame it” strategy is useful here. By simply stating your emotions out loud—whether it’s anger, sadness, or frustration—you allow your brain’s thinking centers to process those feelings, reducing their intensity. This practice can shift your perspective, helping you see negative emotions as part of being human. Once you do, self-compassion comes more naturally, and the pressure to live up to a “Superwoman” ideal begins to fade.

Fear of Letting Things Fall Apart

A third obstacle is the fear that, if you don’t respond to others’ needs, things will fall apart. Whether it’s family, friends, or work, many people feel they must always be there to prevent chaos. However, overdeveloping the “helping others” muscle can prevent others from becoming independent and solving their own problems.

In truth, if you occasionally step back, things usually don’t collapse. And if they do, a little messiness can lead to growth and new opportunities, both for those you care for and for yourself. Children, for example, can learn problem-solving and independence when they are given space to figure things out on their own. The same applies to adults in your life.

By prioritizing your own needs, you not only improve your well-being, but you also empower those around you to develop their resilience.

Conclusion: Building a New Perspective

The journey to prioritizing your own needs starts with small but significant changes. Recognize your own humanity, allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, and trust that others can handle a little mess. In doing so, you’ll find more balance and be able to care for yourself with the same compassion you extend to others.